In the past couple of years, I have had the privilege to become a grandfather to two little girls, Margaux (21 mo) and Ellie (6 mo). If I haven’t already bragged about them to you yet, I’ll be happy to do so in-person!
I’ve had the opportunity to observe these strange beings for a little while now. I’m no anthropologist and I don’t know much about babies or child development. Nonetheless, I’ve learned lot since I’ve become a grandparent. Here are some of the things I’ve learned:
Language is learned by immersion: Have you ever tried to learn a foreign language as an adult? I’ve been working on my Spanish for decades, but I still speak like a 9-year-old. Why is it so hard for us to learn a language when we are adults? Children must learn our crazy English language, with its quirks and weird rules from scratch. Yet in a few years, they go from completely ignorant to native speakers. It’s because they are immersed in language by patient, loving teachers all around them. They learn it because there’s no alternative. Maybe if I’m really trying to get better at Spanish, I should find ways to immerse myself more fully. How about Spanish-only month?
Babies see the really small things we ignore: How many times have you passed that tipped-over traffic cone or the little Cardinals flag without notice? Did you realize that grapes look a lot like tiny bubbles? Do you even think about a fire engine in the distance anymore? When we become adults, we screen out all the extra input to focus on our myriad tasks. While it does make us productive, we miss a lot. My granddaughters notice all of it because they have no tasks and no to-do lists. It’s only recently that I’ve noticed butterflies again…I had forgotten to look for them.
Babies learn how to use their faces: We treat a baby’s smile like we just won the freaking lottery. Look, you made your granddaughter move her mouth in an upward fashion! Amazing! It seems like nothing, but it’s everything. Children, through positive reinforcement learn this, and dole out the smiles in response. I’m sure there’s an evolutionary reason for the baby smile, but even I’ve learned to smile more! The great thing about smiling at others is that they smile back and, in that one interaction, you feel a little better about the world.
I have no problem making a fool of myself: In our society, there is literally no acceptable time to blow raspberries with your lips unless you are engaging a small child. You can’t make weird faces to the barista at Starbucks. You can’t talk in a weird giraffe voice (side note: there’s no such thing) when you talk to a customer service person or when a waiter comes over to take your order. But if my granddaughter is in front of me, I can become a blithering idiot and fellow adults will nod approvingly and tell me what a great grandfather I am.
Time has no meaning to my grandchildren. You can’t reason with a toddler that something needs to happen later; it must happen now! A baby doesn’t know the past; it only knows what’s going on right now, in front of her face. “Now” is a pretty good place for a lot of us to be; we often we get stuck on past decisions that we cannot change, or we worry about problems to come. Normally, I’m the first person to tell you that you should have a plan; that’s literally my job. Children remind us we should also live in the present. Be where you are; do what you are doing.
Children are not born to hate; they learn this: A child, no matter the circumstances of her birth, doesn’t hate. This is a learned behavior. I’ve realized that these grandchildren are learning every second of their waking days, and so whatever examples I set or words I use are going to be used by them at some point. It’s has made me more aware of making sure I won’t teach them to hate others no matter how much I disagree with them. I need to choose my words wisely!
Kids measure my wealth differently: What is my money worth if I do not spend it? My grandchildren don’t know or care how much money I have. It’s true that these kids have more than virtually any children on the planet, but it’s meaningless to them. Their world is made up of how much I and others interact with them. What matters to them is how much the people in their lives love and nurture them. Monetary wealth is important, but what counts more than anything else, beyond the basics, is the love and support of the people who raise them.
I’ve changed what I care about: Since getting grandchildren, I’ve become more passionate about some things, and less about others. I’ve become more passionate about the long-term future of our community, our country, our world. I don’t care so much about what I get now; I worry about the things that might shape their lives long after I’m pushing daisies. I try not to worry about past relationships, disappointments, or losses; I care about how I can help their world be a good place to have a fulfilling life. I feel like I’ve turned the page on “Me” and now I’m on the “Them” chapter. Not just my two little “Thems”, but all the “Thems” out there.
There are no screens on playgrounds: When I see my grandchildren playing, I see them mystified, marveling, and awestruck by the world around them. They care about the shapes of balloons and the wind on their face. They watch squirrels run up trees and are fascinated by the color and feel of a leaf. Why is there a kayak on top of a car? What’s a hose and why is there water coming out of it?
When did I stop paying attention to those wonderous, odd, and weird things around me and instead become a worshiper of the phone in my hand? Slides, swings, and ladders are marvels to them; why do I care about some idiot dancing in an Instagram post? I know I sound like a dinosaur, and I still carry my phone around all the time, but I have tried to keep it in the pocket more. I hope the kids stay unimpressed by screens for a little longer and in love with the world around them.
So, there you go; two little girls who have stolen my heart and taught me a bunch of things I didn’t even know I didn’t know.
Do me a favor, will you? Go to the nearest window, look out there, and see something you hadn’t noticed before.
Cool, huh?